by Bob Lepine
It’s no surprise that many husbands and wives think differently about sex. While the stereotype is the always interested husband and the rarely interested wife, there are a growing number of marriages where a wife has more of a higher level of sexual desire than her husband.
But for the most couples, the stereotype holds true, and the resulting differences between men and women can be a source of conflict in marriage.
With that in mind, I want to suggest seven things husbands need to remember about sex (see also seven things women need to remember):
- Hollywood sex is made up. It’s a fantasy. The people in romantic scenes in movies are actors. Don’t try to measure your marital sex against what you see in a romantic movie.
- Sex is probably (but not necessarily) a lower priority for your wife than it is for you. Are you as committed to meeting her needs and desires as you’d like her to be with your desire for sex? Could you even name her top three relationship needs?
- Your wife needs a safe and secure relationship. In order for her to engage in sex with heart and mind and body, she needs to know that you will be there for her, that you are committed to her, and that she is your one and only.
- Your wife wants to have sex with a companion, not with someone who simply shares her mailing address. If you’re not spending time having fun together in all kinds of settings, she’s going to be less motivated to be with you sexually.
- You don’t have to commit adultery to be an unfaithful husband. Whether it’s pornography or looking at other women, the Bible makes it clear that lust for a woman who is not your wife is adultery.
- There is no secret formula to arousal. If you think you have found a secret formula, and you attempt to repeat the recipe, your wife will change the secret. Women don’t want to be figured out. They also don’t want to be manipulated.
- Your wife is insecure about her physical beauty. She sees all the flaws. Watch what you say to her.
Taking it One-to-One:
- Which of the above seven principles are the best reminders for you right now?
- Which of the above would provide the best conversation starter between you and your spouse? Are you willing to initiate that conversation today?
- Would you benefit from an anonymous conversation with a FamilyLIfe eMentor about this topic? If so click here.