Make one-to-one mentoring easier by learning what to do and what not to do. Click to learn more.
|Tip#1 – Find your PLACE
||Tip#2 – Avoid the common mistakes
- Philippians 4:13 (I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.)
- 2 Timothy 3:16 (Scripture is God-breathed and useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteous.)
- John 10:10 (Christ has come so that we might have abundant life.)
- John 16:33 (Christ has overcome the world. He gives peace in the midst of tribulation.)
- Mark 10:9 (What God has joined together, let not man separate.)
- Matthew 18:19-20 (If two or three are gathered, there am I among them.)
- Proverbs 24:26 (An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips.)
- Ecclesiastes 7:8 (Finishing is better than starting.)
- 1 Corinthians 11:9-11 (Woman is not independent of man nor man of woman.)
- 1 John 3:16 (This is love: Jesus laid down his life for us.)
- 1 Corinthians 13:13 (The greatest of these is love.)
- Romans 15:4 (Scriptures give instruction and hope.)
- Philippians 4: 8-9 (Think on things that are excellent or praiseworthy.)
- Mark 13:5-13 (Stand firm and persevere in your faith.)
- 1 Corinthians 13 (Definition of love.)
- Proverbs 17:14 (Beware of starting quarrels.)
- Philippians 2:2 (Be like-minded, have the same love and be one in spirit and purpose.)
- Proverbs 19:14 (A prudent wife is from the Lord.)
- Proverbs 31:10-31 (Character of a noble wife.)
- Ephesians 4:2-3 (Be humble, gentle and patient, bearing one another in love.)
- Ephesians 5:25 (Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church.)
- Ephesians 5:24 (Wives should submit to their husbands in everything.)
- James 5:16 (Confess your sins to each other and pray for one other.)
- Galatians 6:2 (bear one another's burdens)
- Malachi 2:14‐16 ("I hate divorce,” says the LORD)
- Romans 14:19 (pursue the things which make for peace)
- Tell me about your marriage. How long have you been married? How did you meet?
- On a scale from 1-10, with 10 being AWESOME, how satisfied were you with your marriage prior to deployment? How do you think your spouse would answer that question?
- When you are together, how well do you and your spouse communicate? In what ways do each of you need to improve in this area? How do you plan to go about doing that? Are you both in agreement?
- Is this your first time being separated?
- If this is not your first deployment, what went well during the previous separation? What challenges did you experience, and how did you deal with them?
- Compare your level of communication from past deployments to this one. Describe how your present communication has affected your relationship (either for better or for worse).
- How connected are you to a local church family at this time? Describe your attendance and level of commitment to worship, activities and any service opportunities.
- What is the greatest challenge this deployment poses in regard to your relationship with your spouse and family? How do you plan to meet that challenge?
- How would you describe the general tone of your conversations with your spouse? If you could change one thing about your conversations with your spouse, what would it be?
- How happy are you with the level of communication and sense of closeness you feel with your spouse during this deployment? What could you do to improve this?
- How do you stay spiritually connected to your spouse and family during deployment? Describe how you would like this area to improve.
- What kind of spiritual and emotional support do you received from other married Christians?
- Do you have an accountability partner, someone who helps you stay focused on the Lord and His will for your life?
- Excellent or Praiseworthy by excellentorpraiseworthy.org
- Two of Us by twoofus.org
- Staying Connected When a Loved One is Deployed by David Onestak
- Staying Connected During Deployments Tips from Army Wives by Stacey Abler
- Separation During Deployments by Sheri and Bob Stritof
- Deployed, Yet Still a Presence: Staying Connected to Kids by Karen Jowers
- 12 Ways to Stay Connected During Deployments by Stacey Abler
- Military Deployment Guide by Military OneSource
Other Ministry Links
- Deployment Ready Homebuilders Study by Mike and Linda Montgomery and Keith and Sharon Morgan
- Loving Your Military Man by Bea Fishback
- Click the title On the Frontline by Tom Neven to find the book on Amazon.com.
- Click on the title The Love Dare by Alex and Stephen Kendrick to find the book on Amazon.com.
- Defending the Military Family by Jim and Bea Fishback (Session 3: Permanent change of Station for Your Children).
- Our Connection: Staying Close When Worlds Apart by Jim and Bea Fishback and Mike and Linda Montgomery
- Solo Duo by Eugene Peterson
- Thriving Not Just Surviving by Officers Christian Fellowship
- God + Military Spouse: United Our Families Will Stand by Kathleen Cline
- Deployed, Not Disconnected by Karen and Don Martin Jr.
- Separated by Duty, United in Love by Shellie Vandervoorde
- I’m Already Home…Again Keeping Your Family Close While on Assignment or Deployment>/i> by Elaine Gray Dumler
- The Treasure of Staying Connected for Military Couples by Janel Lange
- Keys to Communication Prayer Card by Bea Fishback
- - Montgomery/Morgan, Deployment Ready, p.87
“When you work to connect with God and with each other, you have the opportunity to experience true oneness—the type that comes from spiritual intimacy.”
- - Gary Smalley, For Better or For Best, p.164
“Lasting friendships are built in foxholes. Nothing binds two people together faster than a common struggle against the enemy.”
- - Linda Montgomery, 40 Days of Deployment Dare, Day 35
“Wise counsel can be found in those who have weathered the storms of life and can steer you away from bad decisions. They can pray with you and for you when you feel discouraged. They can encourage you not to give up when all seems hopeless. They can be your cheering section—your “fan club”—to encourage you to persevere under trial. They can offer perspective when these days of being geographically separated during wartime seem like they will never end.”
- - Stephen and Alex Kendrick, The Love Dare, p. 133
“Make a commitment to daily let go of unrealistic expectations and become your spouse’s greatest encourager. And the person they’re created by God to be will begin to emerge with new confidence and love for you.”
- - Shellie Vandervoorde, Separated by Duty, United in Love, xiii
“Separations are the times that will make or break your marriage. They are the times you will be asked to be the ‘selfless giver.’ Your service member may ask you to sacrifice your career, schooling or friends and being close to family—the list could go on. Mostly, you will be asked to give of yourself and your time. As a military spouse, you will make these sacrifices as your part in supporting your service member’s patriotism, courage, and commitment to something he or she believes in.”
- - Bekah, “Waiting…Waiting…Waiting,” www.excellentorpraiseworthy.org
“It’s so okay to be sad about deployments or infertility or any kind of disappointment. But it’s not okay to drown in them. We have to help our kids learn how to lean on Jesus. And we have to be willing to share our hearts a little when they’re heavy so that our friends can help us bear these loads. No matter how old you are – Jesus is your best friend and He will carry all your cares. Let Him do so now. Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you. (I Peter 5:7)”
- - Montgomery/Morgan, Deployment Ready, p.42
“Communication is an essential aspect of marriage, because everything else depends on it, especially during a deployment.”
- - H. Norman Wright, Communication, Key to Your Marriage, p.16
“A Christian marriage involves more than the blending of two people. It includes a third person—Jesus Christ—who gives meaning, guidance and direction to the relationship. When He presides in a marriage, then and only then is it a Christian marriage.”
- - Joe Stowell, When the Going Gets Tough, p.30
“Counting trouble a thing of joy does not require that we feel happy about our difficulties but that we understand that ultimately and finally God’s good hand will make the experience worthy of joyful praise and thanksgiving. This mental outlook keeps our focus not on the moment of pain but on the culmination of the process.”
- Recognize the importance of staying connected with your spouse during this deployment and continue to work at it.
- Read any of the online articles listed in the resource guide it with your spouse or a mentor.
- Memorize one of the scriptures of help and hope in this guide.
- Choose a chapter from one of the books in this guide share your thoughts with a friend or mentor.
- Attend church services regularly and where possible, join a study group.
- Find other married Christians whose spouses are deployed and meet together for support and encouragement.
- Find an accountability partner or a mentor; a more mature Christian who can help and advise you, keeping you accountable for your behavior during the deployment.
- Pray for your spouse—his/her physical, emotional and spiritual being– every day and pray with your spouse when you talk.
- Maintain consistent, positive communication with your spouse, even if you feel hurt or anger toward him/her. Confess those feelings to the Lord and to your spouse and explain why you feel that way.
- Realize that communication breakdowns can more readily occur due to distance, so be patient, giving your spouse the benefit of the doubt.
- Focus on positive, good, pure, right, noble thoughts, not allowing Satan a foothold in your marriage (Phil 4:8).
- Discuss with your spouse ways you can both work toward staying connected.
- Be transparent with your spouse. Share your joys, sorrow, surprises and concerns.
- Dream about the day you will be reunited and share the excitement of this long-anticipated event.
- Use the same devotional, such as Our Connection, and discuss via the phone or e-mail.
- Be supportive and encouraging of your spouse and above all, be verbal in your praise and expression of love and appreciation.
- Remember that all things work together for good for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28).