Preparing for Deployment

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Mentoring Tips

Make one-to-one mentoring easier by learning what to do and what not to do.  Click to learn more.

Tip#1 – Find your PLACE

  • Pray: simple yet powerful act
  • Listen: people want to feel heard
  • Ask: good questions foster productive dialogue
  • Consider: think slowly and biblically
  • Encourage: uplift rather than beat down
Tip#2 – Avoid the common mistakes

  • Fixing: this is a person, not a project
  • Preaching: walk alongside, don’t talk at or down to them
  • Carrying: show concern but don’t carry too heavy a burden
  • Blaming: no condemnation in Christ Jesus
  • Rescuing: you are not their savior!
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Scriptures
Hope
  • Psalm 34:7 (The angel of the Lord protects us)
  • 2 Corinthians 10:4 (We have powerful weapons for spiritual warfare)
  • Genesis 2:24 (God’s plan for the marriage relationship is for it to be deep and intimate)
  • Proverbs 19:21 (Men make plans, but the Lord’s purpose prevails)
  • Proverbs 15:22 (Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed)
  • Psalm 18:1-3 (God is my source of strength and where I can take refuge)
  • Psalm 27:3 (My heart will not fear)
  • Philippians 4:6-8 (don’t be anxious, let your requests be made known, focus your mind on better things)
  • Isaiah 26:3-4 (peace for those who fix their thoughts on God, trust in the Lord forever)
Help
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Conversations
Starters
    • Tell me about yourself. How did you and your spouse meet? How long have you been together?
    • Is this his/her first deployment? How often have you been separated due to military obligations? How were those separations for you? Your spouse? Your children?
    • How is everyone doing, knowing your spouse will soon be leaving? What about you?
    • What conversations have you had with your children about this upcoming separation?
    • What have you done—you and your spouse—to prepare your family for this change in your lives? Do you have a “game plan,” a plan to cover any unexpected blips or any “what ifs” in your family life?
    • Do you have any special plans for the time when your spouse is deployed?
    • What worries you the most about this deployment?
    • What can you do to relieve your spouse of any anxieties he/she may have over this separation? What can you do for your children to help them not to be as fearful or anxious?
Deeper Questions
    • How would you describe your current spiritual walk?  In what area(s) does it need strengthened?  How do you plan to make that happen?
    • How often are you attending church?  What kind of regular fellowship are you
      having with other Christians?
    • What are you doing to provide spiritual input for yourself?  How about spiritual
      training/input for your children?
    • Who is it that helps you stay accountable?
    • Have you talked to the Lord about your feelings regarding this deployment?  What concerns have you been able to share with your spouse?
    • How often do you pray together with your spouse?  As a family?
    • In what ways have you given control of your deployment over to God?  In what ways are you still fighting for control?
    • How would you describe the health of your marriage?  How would your spouse answer that question?
    • How committed are you to your marriage?  How would your spouse respond to that question?
    • What steps are you taking to ensure that you stay sexually pure during the time you are apart?
    • How do you plan to keep the lines of communication open while your spouse is deployed?
    • How do you plan to stay spiritually connected?
    • After you deploy, what network of friends can help your spouse and children cope with your absence?
    • How can I help you to prepare yourself and your family for this deployment?
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Resources
Online Helps
Other Ministry Links
Books
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Encouragement
Quotes
  • - Montgomery/Morgan, Deployment Ready, p.1

    “A military couple can successfully face deployment by working together to avoid the minefields of unintended consequences.”

  • - Bea Fishback, Loving Your Military Man, p. 109

    “Moral excellence is God’s desire for each of us.  He wants us to make choices not merely
    because it will enhance our personal development, or because it will give us greater credibility with others, but because God knows that what we choose to pursue will ultimately affect who we become—women of excellence.”

  • - John Milton, On His Blindness

    “They also serve who only stand and wait.”

  • - Stephen Arteburn & Fred Stoeker, Every Man’s Battle, p. 167

    “In summary, you have a mind that runs where it wills.  It must be tamed. Our best tactic
    is to starve the attractions, limiting the generation of impure thoughts and the damage they bring to our marriage relationship.”

  • - Dennis and Barbara Rainey, Staying Close, p. 222

    “One of the greatest benefits of transparency [being totally open and honest] is that it brings peace of mind.  As husband and wife open up to each other, they take risks—tiny ones at first. Then, if they succeed, they take bigger steps of self-revelation.  And when this happens, what they are really doing is saying to each other, ‘I need you.’”

  • - Fishbacks/ Montgomerys, Our Connection, p.1

    “When facing the orders of the military, whether deployment or permanent change of duty, be reminded that God’s world is orderly.  We may not understand how everything works or will work out, but God remains consistently sovereign.  God never changes.  So the next time PCS, TDY or deployment orders are issued, choose to be reminded of God’s supreme authority over all things.”

Next Steps
    • Well done in seeking advice and guidance as you prepare for this deployment.
    • Read any of the online articles listed in this guide and let’s discuss it together.
    • Memorize one of the scriptures in the hope and help sections of this guide.
    • Read any of the books listed in this guide or choose a section to read and discuss with your spouse or a mentor.
    • Talk to your spouse about the upcoming deployment; share your concerns, fears and worries. Don’t hold anything back, but do this with a loving heart.
    • Work out a plan together of how you will deal with any unexpected family issues.
    • Decide together how you and your spouse will stay spiritually connected.  You may want to choose a book or a book of the Bible to read and discuss via Skype or e-mail.
    • Set goals for communicating with each other.
    • Spend quality time together prior to the deployment to enhance your relationship.
    • Decide what steps you will take to keep yourselves sexually pure during the time apart.
    • Have a family meeting. Discuss with the children the expectations for behavior during the separation and follow this with a fun time together.
    • Listen and watch for signs of distress in the children as the deployment period draws closer.
    • Talk to other people whose spouses will be deploying and plan to spend time together as families.
    • Seek out a more mature Christian to be your accountability partner and begin to meet soon.
    • Begin now to pray for your spouse.  Pray for safety, protection, wisdom,
      guidance, and physical, emotional and spiritual well-being.
    • Above all, remember you have a God who loves you and who will never leave you!