Raising Daughters

-
Mentoring Tips

Make one-to-one mentoring easier by learning what to do and what not to do.  Click to learn more.

Tip#1 – Find your PLACE

  • Pray: simple yet powerful act
  • Listen: people want to feel heard
  • Ask: good questions foster productive dialogue
  • Consider: think slowly and biblically
  • Encourage: uplift rather than beat down
Tip#2 – Avoid the common mistakes

  • Fixing: this is a person, not a project
  • Preaching: walk alongside, don’t talk at or down to them
  • Carrying: show concern but don’t carry too heavy a burden
  • Blaming: no condemnation in Christ Jesus
  • Rescuing: you are not their savior!
+
Scriptures
Hope
Help
+
Conversations
Starters
    • Do you pray regularly for your daughter? With her?
    • On a scale of one to ten (1=poor, 10=excellent) how would you rate your current relationship with your daughter(s)? How do you think she would rate your relationship with her?
    • What are the hopes and dreams you have for your daughter(s)?
    • What is the greatest fear you have for your daughter(s)?
    • What are your greatest concerns about parenting a daughter?
    • Dad, how are you modeling appropriate affection and respect for women to your daughter?
    • The most important relationship in your daughter’s life is the one she has with Jesus Christ. Has she verbalized her belief in Jesus as her Savior and how is that impacting her development?
    • Dad, how are you giving your daughter a good picture of the love of her Heavenly Father? Where could you improve?
    • Mom, how are you modeling godly female behavior? Where could you improve?
    • How are you regularly opening up your inner life to your daughter? (1 Thessalonians 2:8)
Deeper Questions
    • Is there anything you as a parent need to take responsibility for and offer an apology?
    • What are your expectations for your daughter? How have you clearly communicated these to her?
    • Are you and your spouse in agreement about values for your daughter? Have you discussed them with her?
    • How are you applauding more than external beauty? Are you celebrating her quiet and imperishable character?
    • At what age do you think it is important to start encouraging modesty in dress? How do you think you can do that at the ages your daughter(s) are now?
    • How are you able to encourage your spouse to build his/her relationship with your daughter(s)?
    • Are you frequently setting aside one-to-one time with your daughter? If not, how do you think you could rearrange your schedule to accommodate this?
    • Does she know she is absolutely secure in your love?
    • Does she know how uniquely and wonderfully she is made?
    • What is one step you can take in the right direction and how can I help you do that?
+
Resources
Online Helps
Other Ministry Links
  • Probe Ministries Building Christians into confident ambassadors
  • Visit Pure Freedom founded by Bob and Dannah Gresh, provides resources to equip men and women of all ages to live lives of purity.
  • Purpose Driven Camp Christian treatment service for families with troubled teens
  • Raising Truly Great Kids Promotes a character-driven strategy for parenting
  • Safe Eyes  Software that protects your family from dangers on the internet
+
Encouragement
Quotes
  • - Susan Yates, And Then I Had Kids, p. 170

    “We want our children to feel a freedom to talk with us about anything.  How much more does our Heavenly Father desire for us to experience this same freedom in coming to Him … When we spend regular time alone in private prayer each day, praying with our children will become more natural.”

  • - Dennis and Barbara Rainey, Growing a Spiritually Strong Family, p. 33

    “We have yet to meet a child (or an adult, for that matter) who feels deeply loved when he is given only occasional bursts of ‘quality time.’”

  • - Dennis and Barbara Rainey, Growing a Spiritually Strong Family, p. 35

    “As you parent you must never back off from giving affection. When your sons and daughters are teenagers, it may feel awkward—but don’t stop. They still need your loving touch.”

  • - Tim Kimmel, The High Cost of High Control, p. 172

    “We need to let our children know they can come to us at any time about anything. After the first few times that they come to us and hear us assume responsibility and apologize for our actions against them, they’ll know they can trust us with their emotions.”

  • - Dennis and Barbara Rainey, Growing a Spiritually Strong Family, p. 32

    “When we model qualities of our Father in heaven by allowing the love of Jesus Christ to flow through us and into our children, we’re succeeding as parents. We do not propose a complicated, deeply theological set of practices to make this happen. Our advice is simple and summarized by three ‘T’s: time, touch, and talk.”

  • - Shannon Ehthridge, Every Woman’s Battle, p. 117

    “One of the concepts that I impress upon women is that we teach people how to treat us. We either teach them to treat us with respect or we teach them to treat us with disrespect. How? By our modest dress or our immodest dress.”

  • - Dennis and Barbara Rainey, Parenting Today’s Adolescent, p. 181

    “Young girls will punish themselves with diets—even starvation—to try to look as thin as popular models. The body-image scam is particularly cruel because the photos are retouched through computer re-imaging.”

  • - Dennis and Barbara Rainey, Parenting Today’s Adolescent, p. 182

    “Some couples underestimate how their outward appearance influences their children. A mother’s appearance, for example, is a statement of her character and of her values as a woman. I believe moms especially need to be careful. Daughters are watching what we wear, how we act, and how we present the body.”

  • - Tim Kimmel, Grace-Based Parenting, p. 83

    “There is a cause and effect between encouragement and confidence. Kids who hear well-timed and well-placed affirmation from their parents are more easily convinced of the truth the Bible says about their intrinsic worth.”

  • - Dennis Rainey, Interviewing Your Daughter’s Date, p. 32

    “It is your relationship with your daughter that is the single most important aspect of protecting her. If she feels your love, she’ll be more apt to allow you to be her advocate. If she knows you’re in her corner, she’ll be more open to your role as her defender. Your relationship with her will keep your interest and involvement in her dating life from seeming unnatural, out of place, and overbearing.”

  • - Tim Kimmel, Grace-Based Parenting, p. 20

    “The primary word that defines how God deals with His children is grace. Grace does not exclude obedience, respect, boundaries, or discipline, but it does determine the climate in which these important parts of parenting are carried out.”

  • - Dennis Rainey, Interviewing Your Daughter’s Date, p. 63

    “In thinking about the girls God has given us to guide through life, these precious daughters He has placed under our authority and protection as fathers, we need to free ourselves up to think future tense in our relationship with them—no matter what it may cost us in the present.”

  • - Dennis and Barbara Rainey, Parenting Today’s Adolescent, p. 184

    “Young men and women are hungry for affirming words as their sexual identities emerge. Use these struggles around clothing and appearance to challenge them to become God’s man and God’s woman.”

  • - Stormie Omartian, The Power of a Praying Parent, p. 111-112

    “From the time my children were born, I prayed for God to reveal to us the gifts, talents, and abilities He had placed in them and to show us how to best nurture and develop them for His glory … Because the enemy wants to use our children’s gifts for his glory, or at the very least keep them from being used for God’s purposes, we need to cover them in prayer. Praying for the development of our children’s God-given gifts and talents is an ongoing process.”

  • - Stormie Omartian, The Power of a Praying Parent, p. 170

    “Magnificent weddings do not make perfect marriages … It’s not bridal consultants and caterers who set the bride and groom on the right path. Consulting God and following His leading does that. And only prayer keeps our children continually seeking God’s will instead of following their own emotions.”

  • - Dan Allender, How Children Raise Parents, p. 21

    “Beginning with the first day of life outside the womb, every child is asking two core questions: ‘Am I loved?’ and ‘Can I get my own way?’ These two questions mark us throughout life, and the answers we receive set the course for how we live.”

  • - Tim Kimmel, Grace-Based Parenting, p. 148

    “Overreacting to your children’s desire to follow a fashion fad—especially if there is nothing morally or biblically wrong with it—could unnecessarily close you off from more meaningful relationships with them.”

Next Steps
    • Esteem them for reaching out to a mentor in the area of parenting daughters
    • Let them know they are not alone, parenting can be frustrating and confusing for many parents
    • Assure them that you care about them and plan to be with them to find solutions together
    • Encourage them to consider forming a parenting HomeBuilders bible study group
    • Encourage moms to connect with other moms at MomLife Today
    • Encourage dads to consider connecting with other men in a Men’s Fraternity group
    • Encourage them to invite God into conversations with their daughter(s) through prayer every day
    • Encourage them to pray with their daughters at all ages
    • Encourage them to model obedience and humility by admitting their own mistakes in parenting
    • Remind them that the relationship they have with their daughter(s) is more important than any list of rules
    • Remind them that it is important to develop a vision and strategy for the kind of people you want your daughter to become
    • Encourage them (along with their spouse) to develop a parenting mission statement to guide parenting decisions
    • Encourage them to take responsibility for the spiritual/moral development of their daughters and not leave it up to a church
    • Remind moms that it is important to model the type of Christian woman you would like your daughter to be (“imitate me”)
    • Remind dads that it is important to model the type of Christian man you would like to see your daughter marry
    • Encourage them to look to God’s Word for principles to address the daughter’s behaviors and decisions
    • Remind them that perhaps the most important thing they can do for their daughter in the home is to love their own spouse
    • Encourage your mentee to get involved in a local, bible-believing church for spiritual growth and accountability