Praying Together

Mentoring Tips

Make one-to-one mentoring easier by learning what to do and what not to do.  Click to learn more.

Tip#1 – Find your PLACE

  • Pray: simple yet powerful act
  • Listen: people want to feel heard
  • Ask: good questions foster productive dialogue
  • Consider: think slowly and biblically
  • Encourage: uplift rather than beat down
Tip#2 – Avoid the common mistakes

  • Fixing: this is a person, not a project
  • Preaching: walk alongside, don’t talk at or down to them
  • Carrying: show concern but don’t carry too heavy a burden
  • Blaming: no condemnation in Christ Jesus
  • Rescuing: you are not their savior!
    • How comfortable are you praying with your spouse?
    • If you wanted to start praying together, how do you think your spouse would respond?
    • What model did your parents set for you?  Did they pray together regularly?
    • How important has your prayer life been to you personally?
    • In what ways have you seen God answer your prayers and drawn you closer to Himself in the past?  Have you shared those with your spouse?
    • How do you think God uses prayer to draw a couple closer together in their relationship with one another?
    • What things in your life take up time and prevent you from praying together regularly?
    • What is one small step you can take in the right direction today?
Deeper Questions
    • How is prayer a priority in your life personally?  In your marriage relationship?
    • What, if anything, keeps you from feeling comfortable praying with your spouse?
    • Are you waiting for your spouse to initiate prayer?  If so, why?
    • Growing up what role models did you have for praying together as a couple?  If none, are you open to resources that could help fill that void?
    • Do you view your mate as the enemy or as God’s gift to you?  Practically speaking, what does that look like in your home?
    • If God’s plan is to change you by drawing you into prayer with your spouse, how will you respond to that?
    • Have you ever discovered the power of perseverance in prayer?
    • How can you help your spouse realize who he or she is in Christ?
    • How have the two of you resolved past hurts?  Have there been times where those have inhibited your prayer life together?
    • Do you believe that God can transform you through the power of His Holy Spirit? (Ephesians 3:20-21)
    • What is one step you can take in the right direction and how can I help you do that?
  • - Dennis and Barbara Rainey, Two Hearts Praying as One, p. 9

    “Praying together may be the single most important spiritual discipline you and your spouse will ever share.”

  • - Dennis and Barbara Rainey, Two Hearts Praying as One, p. 30-31

    “Even though praying in the middle of a conflict is just as important as praying when the seas are calm, most of us don’t feel like praying with someone we are having a disagreement with. But inviting the Prince of Peace into our boat in the middle of the storm is truly the answer.”

  • - Dennis and Barbara Rainey, Two Hearts Praying as One, p. 32

    “Praying together daily gives couples the perfect opportunity to speak the two most powerful statements in the healing of relationships: ‘Will you forgive me?’ and ‘Yes, I will forgive you.’“

  • - Dennis and Barbara Rainey, Two Hearts Praying as One, p. 38

    “Experiencing the presence of God together in prayer is a wonderful way to defuse workplace stress and reconnect as husband and wife.”

  • - Dennis and Barbara Rainey, Two Hearts Praying as One, p. 43

    “Because Satan understands the power unleashed when two become one and join forces to call upon God, he will strategize to keep you from praying together.  He wants to divide you, isolate you from one another, and have you thinking unkind thoughts about your spouse.”

  • - John Yates, How a Man Prays for His Family, p. 75

    “Bringing our prayer requests to God repeatedly is not a matter of asking God and then reminding Him over and over again in case He’s forgotten … It’s wonderful when you pray for something only once and you experience God’s answer.  But growth and maturity come when you learn how to pray repeatedly, until you have the satisfaction of seeing clearly how God has answered.”

  • - Dennis and Barbara Rainey, Pressure Proof Your Marriage, p. 62

    “Time after time, we find Jesus making time to get alone to pray.  To Listen.  To be strengthened.  To gain encouragement.  To nourish His soul.  And to wait on the leading of His Heavenly Father.”

  • - Gary Thomas, Sacred Marriage, p. 76

    “Much of Christian teaching has gotten it exactly backwards.  We’re told that if we want to have a stronger marriage, we should improve our prayer lives.  But Peter tells us that we should improve our marriages so that we can improve our prayer lives.”

  • - John Yates, How a Man Prays for His Family, p. 23

    “Power in prayer does not come from ‘getting it right’—that is, using the right technique, words, or system.  It begins with the realization of just how inadequate we really are and that God is the only adequate One.”

  • - Bob Lepine, The Christian Husband, p. 77

    “In addition to being in constant communion with God, we are to spend regular periods of time in focused, one-on-one interaction with our Creator.  And what a privilege!  To have access to the throne room of heaven anytime we choose is a divine benefit we should not ignore.”

  • - Stormie Omartian, The Power of a Praying Wife, p. 75

    “I know several couples who experienced adultery in their marriages, but because in each case there was a wife who was willing to pray and a husband open to allowing God to change and restore him, the marriages are still intact and successful today.  Only prayer, a submitted heart, and the transforming power of the Holy Spirit can work those kinds of miracles.”

  • - Dennis and Barbara Rainey, Two Hearts Praying as One, p. 28

    “Over the years we have noticed that most men have never seen a model of couples praying together.  And since it is difficult to do something they’ve never even seen done, assuming the leadership role in their homes is not easy for them.  It’s a wise wife who understands this, prays for her husband, and gives him time and freedom to grow into his responsibility.”

  • - Susan Yates, And Then I Had Kids, p. 170

    “We want our children to feel a freedom to talk with us about anything.  How much more does our Heavenly Father desire for us to experience this same freedom in coming to Him … When we spend regular time alone in private prayer each day, praying with our children will become more natural.”

  • - John Yates, How a Man Prays for His Family, p. 21

    “Most of us have large challenges in our families.  Ironically, it is this sense of failure and great need—our sense of being overwhelmed by so much responsibility—that can actually be the starting point of a genuine intimacy with God in prayer.”

  • - John Yates, How a Man Prays for His Family, p. 81

    “A wise man prays for his wife.  He begins before he is married, before he even knows her, and he continues for the rest of his life.  No other person is more central or more important in your life—and she always needs your prayers, even though she may not always tell you so.”

  • - John Yates, How a Man Prays for His Family, p. 94

    “One of the most important yet daunting things we can do for our wives is to pray with them … Some would sooner do almost anything than approach their wives about praying together.  Perhaps you feel inadequate.  Maybe you find it embarrassing to pray out loud with another person.  Whatever your reason, it is well worth trying to overcome your hesitancy.”

  • - Dennis and Barbara Rainey, Two Hearts Praying As One, p. 9

    “Praying together may be the single most important spiritual discipline you and your spouse will ever share.”

Next Steps
    • Great job acknowledging the need to invest in your marriage spiritually.
    • Read any of the online articles listed in this guide and let’s discuss.
    • Read any of the scriptures of help and hope in this guide and let’s discuss.
    • Get involved in a local, bible-believing church for spiritual growth and accountability.
    • Remember that you can still grow closer to God and each other through prayer even if there are disagreements between you.  Marriage is a process of unity, not unanimity.
    • Be satisfied with small steps… like praying for one minute before bed.  This can make a huge difference and lead to further, bigger steps.
    • If you’re longing for more spiritual intimacy in marriage, tell you spouse.  Just remember to have that conversation in love and at the right time.
    • One way to jump start praying together is to take a short TV fast, maybe even 48 hours, to re-establish meaningful connection through prayer (Ephesians 5:16).