Role of Wife

Mentoring Tips

Make one-to-one mentoring easier by learning what to do and what not to do.  Click to learn more.

Tip#1 – Find your PLACE

  • Pray: simple yet powerful act
  • Listen: people want to feel heard
  • Ask: good questions foster productive dialogue
  • Consider: think slowly and biblically
  • Encourage: uplift rather than beat down
Tip#2 – Avoid the common mistakes

  • Fixing: this is a person, not a project
  • Preaching: walk alongside, don’t talk at or down to them
  • Carrying: show concern but don’t carry too heavy a burden
  • Blaming: no condemnation in Christ Jesus
  • Rescuing: you are not their savior!
  • Philippians 4:6-8 (don’t be anxious, let your requests be made known, focus your mind on better things)
  • Ruth 3:11 (a woman of excellence will be trusted)
  • Proverbs 25:15 (with patience a ruler is persuaded; a soft tongue)
  • Proverbs 31:11‐12 (her husband trusts her; she does him good)
  • Psalm 128 (Blessed is everyone who fears the LORD, who walks in his ways)
  • James 5:16 (prayer of the righteous accomplishes much)
  • James 1:5 (if you lack wisdom, ask of God who gives generously)
    • What is your understanding of the role of a wife and how that differs from the role of a husband? How do you think your husband would answer that question?
    • What kind of a model did you see growing up?  In what ways have you as a wife imitated your mom and in what ways are you different?
    • What would you like to change about the way you and your husband relate as husband and wife? What keeps you from making that change?
    • What do you think the Bible means when it says the husband is to be the “head” of the home?
    • What do you think it means for a wife to be a helper? (Gen.2:18)
    • Do you know a woman who seems to be a good role model as a wife? What about her stands out? Have you ever sought wisdom from her?
    • Can you tell me a little about your relationship with God and how that influences your life as a woman and as a wife?
Deeper Questions
    • What is your understanding of your God-given role as a wife?
    • Would you be willing to look with me at what the Bible says about the important role of a wife in the family?
    • Is your husband supportive of your God-given role in the family?
    • Do you pray for your husband every day? What do you pray for him?
    • Do you see your husband as the leader in your home? How does thinking of him in that way make you feel?
    • What do you think the Bible means when it says the wife is to be submissive to her husband?
    • Do you think that you are undermining your husband in any way? How so?  And how would your husband answer that question?
    • Do you give him space to think issues through before leading?  What does it look like when he tries to lead?  How do you respond to his leadership?
    • Once you have discussed an issue, do you defer to your husband or try to get your way?
    • Do you realize that your husband will be held accountable by God?
    • Assuming your husband is not asking you to sin or break the law, what keeps you from doing what he asks of you?
    • How do you show respect to your husband? Are there times when you fail to respect him by being critical or negative?
    • I believe that your relationship with Jesus Christ is the most important relationship in your life. Can you tell me about that?
    • Will you trust God to do His part as you do yours?
    • Are you open to reading articles about being a godly wife and discussing them with me?
    • What is one step you can take in the right direction and how can I help you do that?
Online Helps
Other Ministry Links
  • - Dennis and Barbara Rainey, The New Building Your Mate’s Self-Esteem, p. 180

    “Your mate needs you to be a cheerleader, not a preacher. Praise and applaud your mate’s right choices; don’t just tell him what he does wrong. Most likely he already receives daily reminders of his failures from a host of other people.”

  • - Robert Lewis, Rocking the Roles, p. 64

    “A servant-leader husband is interested in arriving at the truth, in knowing what is right, not in who is ‘winning.’  He’s a man of truth, not a scorekeeper.  And he knows that his wife brings a valuable perspective and sensitivity to many issues that he barely understands.  So he values her input, and together they determine what is right.”

  • - Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Lies Women Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free, p. 128

    “The Scripture is clear that a married woman’s life and ministry are to be centered in her home. This is not to suggest that it is necessarily wrong for a wife and mother to have a job outside her home—unless that job in any way competes and diminishes her effectiveness in fulfilling her primary calling at home. Further, it is important for women to evaluate their reasons for working outside their home and to identify any deception behind those reasons.”

  • - Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free, p. 141

    “Many Christian wives do not realize that they have two powerful ‘weapons’ available to them that are far more effective than nagging, whining, or preaching. The first weapon is a godly life, which God often uses in a man’s life to create conviction and spiritual hunger (1 Peter 3:1‐4) … and the second is prayer.”

  • - Emerson Eggerichs, Motivating Your Man God’s Way, p. 58

    “The call is for a wife to carry herself with dignity, showing honor to her husband because she is an honorable woman. Though her husband may not be respectable, God is calling her to show unconditional respect in her pursuit to obey God. She does this in obedience to the command of God in Ephesians 5:33, not because her husband deserves it.”

  • - Emerson Eggerichs, Motivating Your Man God’s Way, p. 30

    “Most wives have little idea the depth of painful feelings men have when disrespected. Men don’t display a crushed countenance and begin to cry. Instead, they get angry, go silent and withdraw. Or they attack with words of disrespect, seeking to equalize things. This goes over the heads of most wives. Instead, these women feel even more unloved.”

  • - Emerson Eggerichs, Love and Respect, p. 34‐35

    “(Regarding the ‘crazy cycle’) both of these people love each other a great deal. They do not mean real harm; they do not intend real evil toward one another. They are hurt and angry, but they still care deeply for one another.”

  • - Emerson Eggerichs, Love and Respect, p. 221

    “What your husband wants is your acknowledgement that he is the leader, the one in authority. This is not to grind you under or treat you as inferior. It is only to say that because God has made your husband responsible (Ephesians 5:25-33), he needs the authority to carry out that responsibility.”

  • - Robert Lewis, Rocking the Roles, p. 100

    “God has given you the awesome responsibility of supporting and helping him. The power to accomplish this calling is quite simple. I call it the power of being there … Being available to him, giving him time, energy, and priority. Giving thought and creativity to building him up. Just being there for your husband is an incredible source of strength to him. It’s life‐giving! If you don’t think your man needs that kind of support, I suggest you may be blind to what’s really going on in him.”

  • - Robert Lewis, Rocking the Roles, p. 192

    “Scripture says very little about a woman’s work outside the home. But it does emphasize the priorities, values, and roles that she should use in making lifestyle decisions. There’s no one right answer to fit every situation. Each woman and each family needs to determine what is best for them, using biblical guidelines.”

  • - Emerson Eggerichs, Love and Respect, p. 1

    “Five out of ten marriages today are ending in divorce because love alone is not enough. Yes, love is vital, especially for the wife, but what we have missed is the husband’s need for respect.”

  • - Theda Hlavka, Saying I Do Was the Easy Part, p. 28‐29

    “God deliberately created a void in the man and chose a woman to fill that void. Notice that he didn’t create a void in the woman. This is significant. God’s intention from the very beginning was that man would not be complete in and of himself. He fashioned woman to be the man’s helper, to fit his needs exactly—physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally … The term helper is used about God Himself … [Hebrews 13:6, John 14:16, John 15:26] … The word helper is defined as ‘someone who contributes strength’ … Being a helper has nothing to do with who’s stronger or smarter or more gifted or anything else. It has only to do with God’s plan.”

  • - Dennis and Barbara Rainey, The New Building Your Mate’s Self‐Esteem, p. 263‐264

    “I believe that God, as the designer of men, knew that they would be built up as they are respected by their wives. When a wife respects her husband, he feels it, is supported by it, and is strengthened from it. A man needs respect like a woman needs love.”

  • - Susan Yates, And Then I Had Kids, p. 85

    “While we can often use our gifts to balance our husband’s weaknesses, we must take care that we do not attempt to change his weaknesses into strengths. There’s a tremendous temptation for us to try to play God in another’s life. This will lead only to bitterness and resentment on the part of the mate.”

  • - Stu Weber, Four Pillars of a Man’s Heart, p. 269‐270

    “I have to admit that one of the saddest things I see in ministry is a woman who belittles her husband. Even if he has indeed failed in some way, his wife’s disparaging words compound the disaster exponentially. Her cynicism is utterly emasculating, and many times, incredibly subtle. Like a fine, thin blade, it slices deep, penetrating to the very core of his masculine soul.”

Next Steps
    • Think of a right choice your husband has made recently and praise him for it.
    • Good job reaching out for wisdom in you role as a wife
    • Read any of the online articles listed in this guide and let’s discuss.
    • Read any of the scriptures of help and hope in this guide and let’s discuss.
    • Remember that God has not only given wives the helper/lover role, He has promised to equip us for the job!
    • Remember that you are not alone if finding your role is a struggle. The wife’s role in today’s society is a great challenge.
    • Read through the Portrait of a Godly Wife, read the scriptures listed there, and let’s discuss those.
    • Always be willing to confess where you have fallen short and pray for strength to change
    • Show unconditional love and respect for your husband
    • You can lovingly align yourself behind your husband and trust God to teach your husband to lead over time
    • Remember Jesus as the perfect model of submission to His Father
    • Don’t wait for your husband to become a perfect leader before you follow him. He does not have to qualify for the role—God has given it to him and will hold him accountable.
    • Obedience means helping your husband be the leader in your home, and this is really obedience to God, not just your husband
    • Reach out for help by finding one or two other wives to meet with regularly for accountability
    • Be your husband’s cheerleader, praising him often, enthusiastically, and loudly
    • Remember that you are human and will never fulfill your role perfectly, but God will honor your efforts and will always forgive your times of failure
    • Discuss with your spouse how you see your roles divided.  Then discuss how you each feel about that.
    • Talk about any changes you would like to make in your current roles.