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|Tip#1 – Find your PLACE
||Tip#2 – Avoid the common mistakes
- Ephesians 4:25 (trust is built on truth)
- Philippians 1:3-4 (thankful for every remembrance of you)
- Proverbs 27:17 (as iron sharpens iron, one man sharpens another)
- Proverbs 15:31‐32 (he who listens to life‐giving reproof will dwell among the wise)
- Proverbs 24:6 (safety in a multitude of counselors)
- Proverbs 18:24 (a friend who sticks closer than a brother)
- Proverbs 13:20 (he who walks with wise men will be wise, but a companion of fools will suffer harm)
- Proverbs 27:6 (faithful are the wounds of a friend, but an enemy multiplies kisses)
- Proverbs 12:15 (the way of a fool is right in his eyes, but a wise man listens to counsel)
- Ecclesiastes 4:9‐12 (two are better than one)
- Proverbs 25:15 (with patience a ruler is persuaded; a soft tongue)
- James 5:16 (prayer of the righteous accomplishes much)
- Jeremiah 6:16 (ask where the good way is)
- Galatians 6:2 (bear one another's burdens)
- Romans 15:1 (we who are strong should bear those who are weak)
- James 3:17 (wisdom is gentle, open to reason, full of mercy, sincere)
- 1 Timothy 2:1-2 (pray for those in authority)
- Hebrews 13:17 (leaders accountable to God)
- Ephesians 5:21 (be subject to one another in the fear of Christ)
- Ephesians 4:15 (speaking the truth in love… grow up!)
- Hebrews 10:24‐25 (consider how to stimulate one another to good deeds; do not forsake assembling together)
- Hebrews 12:12‐13 (strengthen the hands that are weak … so that the limb which is lame may not be put out of joint, but healed)
- Galatians 6:1 (if a man is caught in sin, you who are spiritual restore him in a spirit of gentleness)
- James 5:19‐20 (if any among you turns from the truth and one turns him back)
- John 15:13 (there is no greater love than sacrificial love)
- 1 Corinthians 15:33 (bad company corrupts good morals)
- Do you have someone you can really be open with? Someone you can share your hopes, dreams, and struggles with?
- Who in your life has permission to ask you the tough questions?
- Do you see the wisdom of having close, same‐sex friends who can hold you accountable? Do you have friends like that? What’s one step you can take to start building those kinds of safeguards?
- Do you keep short accounts with your spouse by confessing freely when you are wrong and forgiving quickly when you are wronged?
- Do you attend a local church? How involved are you there?
- Can you tell me about a time in your life when you experienced significant spiritual growth? What was happening then?
- What would you say are the biggest obstacles to your spiritual growth during this season of your life? Who in your life can you turn to for help in those areas?
- Is there anyone in your life who you know is praying for you?
- How can I be an encouragement to you and help you move in the right direction?
- Who in your life knows you well enough and has permission to ask you tough questions about your integrity?
- Do you have godly friends or just those who condone your lifestyle?
- Do you have a mentor or a minister in your personal life who knows you well?
- Do you understand how Satan preys on people who are isolated and weak? (1 Peter 5:8)
- Do you admonish others to godliness? Are you willing and able to be admonished? (Proverbs 27:17)
- Are you taking temptation lightly or forgetting that every Christian is engaged in a spiritual battle? (Ephesians 6:11‐13)
- What has prevented you from developing close relationships with same‐sex friends who can hold you accountable?
- Are you afraid to build close friendships because it feels too vulnerable or you might be judged?
- Have you been hurt in the past by people you trusted? Are you open to God’s healing hand in that part of your life and heart? Can I pray for that?
- What is one step you can take in the right direction and how can I help you do that?
- I Messed Up by Max Lucado
- The Gospel of Change by Paul David Tripp and Tim Lane
- Can People Really Change? by Paul David Tripp and Tim Lane
- After the Affair: Rebuilding Our Marriage by FamilyLife
- Eight Ways to Protect Your Marriage by Judy Starr
- The Danger of Flirting by Jerry B. Jenkins
- Guarding Against Adultery by Dennis Rainey
- A Baseball Star Who Knows His Weakness by Dave Boehi
- Are You Accountable to Anyone? by Dennis Rainey
Other Ministry Links
- Men’s Fraternity Living a life of authentic manhood
- Moments Together for Couples by Dennis and Barbara Rainey
- Click the title Hedges: Loving Your Marriage Enough to Protect It by Jerry B. Jenkins to find the book on Amazon.com.
- Click the title Living for Jesus Beyond the Spiritual High by Greg Speck to find the book on Amazon.com.
- Click the title Forgotten God: Reversing Our Tragic Neglect of the Holy Spirit by Francis Chan to find the CD in FamilyLife's online store.
- Click the title Growing Together in Christ by to find the book in FamilyLife's online store.
- Building Your Marriage to Last The Art of Marriage Connect Series
- Stepping Up: A Call to Courageous Manhood by Dennis Rainey
- - Stephen Arterburn and Sam Gallucci, Road Warrior, p. 140‐141
“Give your friends permission to ask you hard questions about anything. And offer information to them as well. We must learn to bring into the light the private conversations, fleeting thoughts, personal struggles, and personal interactions that occur while traveling for work. Once something is discussed and brought into the light, it loses its power to control you.”
- - Dennis and Barbara Rainey, Growing a Spiritually Strong Family, p. 16
“Spiritual growth usually occurs in the context of relationships. We all need people close to us—not just to enjoy friendship and fellowship, but also to reap the benefits of mutual accountability.”
- - Dennis and Barbara Rainey, Staying Close, p. 97
“Accountability is a scriptural principle that tells us to ‘submit to one another out of reverence to Christ’ (Ephesians 5:21). This means I choose to submit my life to the scrutiny of another person to gain spiritual strength, growth, and balance. Marriage is a perfect arena for this to happen as husbands become accountable to wives and wives to husbands.”
- - C.J. Mahaney, How Can I Change?, p. 48
“Character cannot be developed or refined in isolation. To cultivate a righteous and fruitful life, we need the context of a local church.”
- - Stephen and Alex Kendrick, The Love Dare, p. 112
“Not everyone has the material to be a good friend. Not every man you hunt and fish with speaks wisely when it comes to matters of marriage. Not every woman in your lunch group has a good perspective on commitment and priorities. In fact, anyone who undermines your marriage does not deserve to be given the title of ‘friend.’”
- - Dave Harvey, When Sinners Say I Do, p. 126
“It might seem that life will be easier if we take the timid path of avoiding certain uncomfortable truths or winking at selected sins, but we always reap what we sow (Galatians 6:7‐9). If we sow loving honesty and courageous care, we will reap growth in godliness. If we avoid confrontation, we will just get confrontation anyway, because sin unaddressed is sin unconfined.”
- - Crawford Loritts, Never Walk Away, p. 157
“For our own protection, we must run to accountability and not from it. The quickest road to character demise and moral catastrophe is withdrawal from accountability and isolation from those who love us and are concerned about our development.”
- - Dave Harvey, When Sinners Say I Do, p. 129
“I don’t want my words to make a spouse feel ‘caught’ in sin, because I don’t want to create a temptation to be more concerned with fixing a problem than encountering God. Confrontation is not a ‘gotcha’ event. I want my spouse to encounter the Holy Spirit, sent to convict the world of sin (John 16:8), and thus to experience the cleansing and faith‐inspiring work of godly sorrow over sin.”
- - Stormie Omartian, The Power of a Praying Wife, p. 131
“We all need the influence of good people to keep us on the right path. Every married couple should have at least two strong believing couples with whom they can share encouragement, strength, and the richness of their lives. Being around such people is edifying, enriching, balancing, and fulfilling, and it helps us keep perspective when things seem to grow out of proportion. Having the positive qualities of other people rub off on us is the best thing for a marriage.”
- - Ed Welch, Addictions: A Banquet in the Grave, p. 9
“God uses other people to help us see. As we have undoubtedly witnessed in others or ourselves, we might be blind to our own hearts, but other people can often see our problems very clearly. Other people can sometimes spot our self‐deception and real beliefs better than we can ourselves … This is one reason why it is so critical for each one of us to be accountable to others, and to have people in our lives who are willing to say hard things to us.”
- - Dennis and Barbara Rainey, Starting Your Marriage Right, p. 115
“Most of us live more responsibly when we know another person who cares about us … will mentor us, check up on us, monitor us, in other words, hold us accountable. If you want your relationship to deepen and go the distance, I strongly encourage you to welcome loving accountability from your spouse and others. For many newly married couples, developing accountability relationships may be one of the most important steps they take.”
- - Joshua Harris, Sex is Not the Problem (Lust is), p. 133
“Our enemy goes after people who isolate themselves from other Christians. Stragglers make easy victims. Without other people to encourage them, watch out for them, and confront small compromise in their lives, they often end up drifting into serious sin … If you want to experience long‐term victory over lust, you must lock arms with other believers.”
- - Dave Harvey, When Sinners Say I Do, p.116
“When someone close to you is running from the truth, love demands that you speak. Sometimes love must risk peace for the sake of truth.”
- - Tim Kimmel, The High Cost of High Control, p. 103
“The key to integrity is that who you are in public aligns with who you are in private, and that both public and private life align with God’s standards. True integrity allows a few chosen individuals deep enough into one’s private life so that they can compare the two life‐styles and see they’re equal. That’s the kind of accountability that makes integrity pure.”
- - Fred and Brenda Stoeker, Every Heart Restored, p. 195
“We definitely urge you to be purposeful about surrounding yourself with godly sisters who are navigating the same waters. … You don’t want to blab your husband’s problems all over town, but being able to vent and pray with someone who cares for you can do wonders for your sanity.”
- Are there areas of your life where you may be making small compromises that could eventually lead to serious sin? Are you open to someone holding you
accountable in those areas?
- Spend some time comparing your private life with your public life. Do they match up?
- How can you be intentional about accountability in your life? Take the risk to start somewhere!
- Be open and honest before God, asking Him to bring a caring friend or two into your life who can speak truth in love. Or thank Him for the good friends you have who are willing to do that.
- If married, seek to build a relationship with at least one other couple who can get to know you well and care about your marriage.
- Develop a few same‐sex friendships to build you up, encourage you and challenge you.
- Regularly attend a local church and get involved in a small group for accountability and spiritual growth.
- How has your life changed since you began investing in your spiritual growth by seeking accountability? Or how would it if you did?
- Do not overestimate your own ability to overcome temptation. God may give you a way out through a friend’s help. (1 Corinthians 10:13)
- Find a wise mentor with whom you can be open and honest, seeking their input.
- Consider starting or joining a HomeBuilders small group study.
- Pray with your spouse every day—this makes you both mutually accountable
- Men, you can connect with other men in a Men’s Fraternity group for accountability and growth.