Moving/Change of Station

Mentoring Tips

Make one-to-one mentoring easier by learning what to do and what not to do.  Click to learn more.

Tip#1 – Find your PLACE

  • Pray: simple yet powerful act
  • Listen: people want to feel heard
  • Ask: good questions foster productive dialogue
  • Consider: think slowly and biblically
  • Encourage: uplift rather than beat down
Tip#2 – Avoid the common mistakes

  • Fixing: this is a person, not a project
  • Preaching: walk alongside, don’t talk at or down to them
  • Carrying: show concern but don’t carry too heavy a burden
  • Blaming: no condemnation in Christ Jesus
  • Rescuing: you are not their savior!
    • Tell me about yourself.  What was it like for you as a child?  Where did you grow up?  Did you stay in one place or did you move?  Did you move often?
    • How many military moves have you made?  Where have you been stationed?  Which was your favorite place and why?  Where didn’t you like living and why?
    • What is your general attitude toward moving?  How does your spouse view moving?  Your children?
    • When you talk about moving to your children, what attitude do you convey?
    • What is it about moving that worries you? Scares you? Makes you feel negatively toward this change?
    • What have you done to try to make moving a more positive experience?
    • What do you think you could do to make things go more smoothly and to help the family better cope with this change?
Deeper Questions
    • When it comes to moving, how completely do you trust God to meet all your needs in the relocation process?  What do you not trust Him to do in this move?
    • How willing are you to work on your faith and trust levels with God?  How could you grow in these areas?
    • HoHowHowHow connected are you to a local church family?  Describe your involvement with worship, activities and service opportunities.
    • What attempts have you made to become part of the local community?
    • How has your concept of being a military spouse changed over the years?  Are you and your spouse in agreement as to the length of time of his/her service to the country?  If not, what issues need to be addressed so that you can come to a consensus?
    • Does your attitude toward the military and your spouse’s involvement there positively or negatively affect your family?  How?
    • Prior to your most recent move, what issues were impacting your family in a negative way?  Have those issues improved, worsened or stayed about the same since the move?  What plans do you have to either improve the situation or maintain a healthy marriage?
    • As a result of this move, what change(s) have you seen in your family relationships (positive or negative)?
    • Knowing that a move can often create all kinds of issues within the family, what area(s) in your family relationships would you like to see change?  How can I help you accomplish those changes?
    • How have personalities (i.e. introvert/extrovert) played into how you, your spouse and/or your children experienced this move?
    • Who have you found to be a source of help, hope, or support in difficult times? (Individually, as a couple, and as a family)
    • How connected are your children in their new school? Your church? What can you do to help them assimilate into their new surroundings? What are you doing to promote good friendships for them?
    • What can you do to make your new house feel like “home” to your family?
    • What cultural differences do you see in this new place compared to where you were before? How have those differences affected you personally and how has your family been affected?
Online Helps
Other Ministry Links
Next Steps
    • Continue to reach out for help and guidance as you go through this transition. Don’t isolate yourself from the body of Christ and community that you need.
    • Read any of the online articles listed in this guide and discuss it with your spouse or mentor.
    • Memorize one of the scriptures in the hope and help sections of this guide.
    • Read one of the books listed in this guide or choose a section to read and share your thoughts with a friend or mentor.
    • Discuss your feelings about this move with your spouse; be open and transparent, speaking the truth in love.
    • Have a family meeting and have everyone share his/her feelings about the move in a relaxed environment. Help your children realize that it’s okay to feel a little afraid or even angry, but encourage them by sharing that you are in it together and you will all get through this change. Try to focus on the sense of adventure that comes with a move.
    • Remember that you are not alone. All military families move as well as other occupations that require relocation. There are many families in the same position as you right now, right here on this post/base.
    • Spend quality time with your children, listening to their concerns and needs.Help them to get settled. Be an example of reaching outward rather than inward.
    • Find a church or local body of believers that suits your family’s needs as soon as possible. Get involved!
    • Discover what sorts of activities are available for your children and family in the community. Again, get involved. Be an initiator.
    • Join a small group for couples and begin to build a support network.
    • Remember that the Lord loves you and is always there for you. He’s just a prayer away!
    • Support your spouse and don’t blame him/her for any anxiety you are experiencing.
    • Plan adventures with your children to investigate the culture, language and sights of the place where you will be living. Take advantage of the opportunity you have to experience living in this new area.
    • Take lots of pictures and make a scrapbook of the adventures you experience while living here.