Mentoring Tips

Make one-to-one mentoring easier by learning what to do and what not to do.  Click to learn more.

Tip#1 – Find your PLACE

  • Pray: simple yet powerful act
  • Listen: people want to feel heard
  • Ask: good questions foster productive dialogue
  • Consider: think slowly and biblically
  • Encourage: uplift rather than beat down
Tip#2 – Avoid the common mistakes

  • Fixing: this is a person, not a project
  • Preaching: walk alongside, don’t talk at or down to them
  • Carrying: show concern but don’t carry too heavy a burden
  • Blaming: no condemnation in Christ Jesus
  • Rescuing: you are not their savior!
    • Think back… What did you like about the way your father treated you as a child? What would you have changed?
    • What have you learned so far as a father? Are there things you’re especially good at? Areas of weakness?
    • What is your plan for becoming a better father? Are you reading any good books right now?
    • Tell me about your children. How old are they? What gender? What is unique about each of their personalities?
    • What single‐word descriptor would you use for each of your children? Why did you choose that particular word?
    • If you were to ask your children to describe you, what three words would they use?
    • Do you pray with your children regularly?
    • Are you involved in a church for growth and encouragement?
    • Do you have other dads that you connect with regularly for encouragement and accountability? (Proverbs 27:17)
    • How can I best help you right now as a mentor?
Deeper Questions
    • Are you helping your children know how they can follow Christ?
    • What kind of legacy will you leave to your children and their children? What will they say you believed about fatherhood?
    • What would your children say is most important to you in your life? What would they say are your values and priorities?
    • How is the way your children relate to you preparing them to relate to their Heavenly Father?
    • Do you place the same value on fatherhood that God does, or does your view of fatherhood come from culture or media?
    • Does your work life leave you with enough time and energy to give to your wife and children? Do your career goals include working toward increasing the time you spend with your family?
    • Are you involved in activities outside the home that compromise your ability to fulfill your God‐given role within your family?
    • What is your understanding of a father’s role from your childhood?
    • Do you spend time with each of your children and look for ways to build into each child’s individual gifts and strengths?
    • Do you pray for and with your children regularly?
    • Are you relying on God and His power to enable you to train your children and to love each one unconditionally?
    • What is one step you can take in the right direction and how can I help you do that?
Online Helps
Other Ministry Links
  • - Crawford Loritts, Never Walk Away, p. 27

    “We work harder and longer hours to make more money so that we can improve the lifestyle of our families. Although we may improve their lifestyles, I wonder if we are improving their lives … As fathers, we must understand the truth that, to our families, our presence is more important than anything else–including extra money.”

  • - Robert Lewis, Raising a Modern‐Day Knight, p. 76

    “Life is more than a job. Sons need to hear this from a dad. They need to see this in his life. Nothing satisfies the human heart as fully as service for the kingdom—in one’s area of giftedness.”

  • - Crawford Loritts, Never Walk Away, p. 26

    “I believe the greatest relational longing that a man has is the need for a heart connection with his father. When that connection is gone—whether it has been severed or was never established—it launches him into a passionate search for the love, approval, and affirmation of a dad.”

  • - Kent Hughes, Disciplines of a Godly Man, p. 52

    “The tragedy is that so many men have left [discipline] to their children’s mothers. Not only is this unfair to the mother, but it robs the child of the security and self‐esteem which come from being disciplined by the father.”

  • - Robert Lewis, Raising a Modern‐Day Knight, p. 161

    “Good fathers exhort and encourage and implore their sons; great fathers drive home these messages with their own spiritual, moral, and social integrity … In a thousand different ways, a son absorbs his father’s values by witnessing actions, behaviors, and attitudes. The real legacy we leave in our sons’ lives is what we have lived out before them.”

  • - Dennis and Barbara Rainey, Growing a Spiritually Strong Family, p. 62

    “Do you see yourself as a trainer of disciples? If not, here’s why you should: You have been called to ‘make disciples of all nations’ (Matthew 28:19). And in making disciples, your family is your number one responsibility.”

  • - Dennis and Barbara Rainey, Starting Your Marriage Right, p. 167

    “Every dad is the family role model, whether or not he wants the job.”

  • - John Yates, How a Man Prays for His Family, p. 15

    “In order to be a whole man, it’s as important to be growing spiritually as it is to be maturing physically and intellectually.”

  • - FamilyLife Weekend to Remember Manual, p. 143

    “If we abdicate our responsibilities as fathers, we force our children to learn life from others. If we abuse our responsibilities as fathers, we provoke our children to either run away or retaliate.”

  • - Steve Farrar, Finishing Strong, p. 53

    “Your kids don’t need more things. They need you. And they want you. The more time that you can spend with them, the more they are going to want to be like you and know the Heavenly Father who made you such a great dad. That’s how you lead your kids to Christ.”

  • - John Yates, How a Man Prays for His Family, p. 10

    “Fathering is a lot more complicated than just having children. Very quickly, children begin to teach a man about his own limitations, that he doesn’t have all the answers, and that he frequently fails as a husband and a dad. I do not know a man for whom futility and failure does not cause pain … And yet it’s this sense of inadequacy that helps us to realize how much we need God’s help.”

  • - Steve Farrar, Point Man, p. 196

    “Children need to know what the limitations are. They need fathers who love them enough to set boundaries and keep them. Children need fathers who are in control. Quite frankly, there are too many families in America where the children are in control.”

  • - Steve Farrar, Point Man, p. 160

    “Gentlemen, your wife is a strategic gift to you. She has eyes that see what you don’t, a mind that assimilates information from a different perspective, a heart with sensitivities you do not possess, and a personality with strengths that offset your weaknesses. That’s a built‐in protection for you. That’s why you must tap into her perspective as you lead your family.”

  • - Shaunti Feldhahn and Lisa A. Rice, For Parents Only, p. 155‐156

    “Parents—especially fathers—could easily conclude that the daughter’s tirade is rooted in disrespect or a desire to challenge authority. And while those disrespectful feelings may indeed be there, they often mask something much deeper: a profound, internal longing for reassurance. So this is when they need our affirmation most of all; not of the behavior, but of the girl.”

  • - RV Brown, Step Up to the Plate, Dad!, p. 121

    “It is time for daddies to take the leadership role in having Bible study … It does not matter whether you have a seminary degree or not. If you are willing to listen to the Holy Spirit, He will guide you into a wonderful time with your wife and children.”

  • - Robert Lewis, Raising a Modern‐Day Knight, p. 52‐53

    “Have you ever wondered why the Bible constantly calls men to love their wives, spiritually instruct their children, and responsibly lead their homes? The reason is because men have a fallen nature that actually bends away from these responsibilities. It comes with maleness. It comes from Adam.”

  • - Steve Farrar, Point Man, p. 231

    “It’s a Herculean task to lead a family, but with the power of God supporting you, it is a tremendous privilege … He’s looking for men who will follow Jesus Christ and burn their ships behind them. When He finds those men, He will take extraordinary measures to buttress, bolster, and carry them along in His limitless strength.”

Next Steps
    • Encourage them with Scriptures of hope and help
    • Let them know they are not alone, parenting can be frustrating and confusing for many fathers
    • Assure them that you care about them and plan to be with them to find solutions together
    • Encourage them to reject passivity and to take initiative as a father
    • Encourage them that they don’t have to be perfect to be a father… kids usually love time with dad just being silly
    • Encourage dads to be diligent in the lives of their daughters as protectors (e.g. Interviewing Your Daughter’s Date)
    • Encourage dads to be diligent in the lives of their sons as role models of manhood (e.g. Tender Warrior)
    • Encourage dads to connect with other men in a Men’s Fraternity group
    • Encourage them to pray with their children at all ages
    • Encourage them to model obedience and humility by admitting their own mistakes as a father
    • Remind them that the relationship they have with their kids is more important than any list of rules
    • Remind them that it is important to develop a vision and strategy for the kind of people you want your children to become
    • Encourage them (along with their wife) to develop a mission statement to guide parenting decisions
    • Encourage them to take responsibility for the spiritual development of their children and to not leave it up to others
    • Remind them that it is important to model Christian principles in addition to teaching them
    • Encourage them to look to God’s Word for principles to address problem’s their children face or decisions to be made
    • Encourage them to get involved in a local, bible‐believing church for spiritual growth and accountability as parents