Mentoring Tips

Make one-to-one mentoring easier by learning what to do and what not to do.  Click to learn more.

Tip#1 – Find your PLACE

  • Pray: simple yet powerful act
  • Listen: people want to feel heard
  • Ask: good questions foster productive dialogue
  • Consider: think slowly and biblically
  • Encourage: uplift rather than beat down
Tip#2 – Avoid the common mistakes

  • Fixing: this is a person, not a project
  • Preaching: walk alongside, don’t talk at or down to them
  • Carrying: show concern but don’t carry too heavy a burden
  • Blaming: no condemnation in Christ Jesus
  • Rescuing: you are not their savior!
    • Tell me about your children. How old are they? What gender? What is unique about each of their personalities?
    • Which child is most like you? Which is most like their father?
    • What single‐word descriptor would you use for each of your children? Why did you choose that particular word?
    • Think back… What did you like about the way your mother treated you as a child? What would you have liked to change?
    • What have you learned so far as a mother? Are there things you’re especially good at? Things you’re weak at?
    • What is your plan for growing as a mother? Are you reading any good books right now?
    • Do you pray with your children regularly?
    • Are you involved in a local church for friendship and support?
    • Do you have other godly moms that you connect with regularly for encouragement and accountability?
    • How has having children changed the relationship you have with your husband?
    • How can I best help you right now as a mentor?
Deeper Questions
    • Did you have a good role model for motherhood growing up?  What can you tell me about her?
    • Are you helping your children know how they can follow Christ?
    • What kind of legacy will you leave to your children and their children? What will they say you believed about motherhood?
    • Have you made sure your responsibilities as a mother are being met before pursuing career goals? Do you have a long‐term plan for success at home and not merely success outside the home or in the workplace?
    • What would your children say is most important to you in your life? What would they say are your values and priorities?
    • Do you place the same value on motherhood that God does, or does your view of motherhood come from culture or media?
    • What is your understanding of a mother’s role from your childhood?
    • Do you spend time with each of your children and look for ways to build into each child’s individual gifts and strengths?
    • Are you relying on God and His power to enable you to train your children and to love each one unconditionally?
    • Are you helping your children know how they can follow Christ?
    • Do you pray for and with your children regularly?
    • Do you have a network of other mothers for support? Do you know about MomLife Today?
    • Do you ever feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders as a mom? Do you take time to recharge yourself?
    • What is one step you can take in the right direction and how can I help you do that?
Online Helps
Other Ministry Links
  • - Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Lies Women Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free, p. 120

    “Frustration is the by-product of attempting to fulfill responsibilities God does not intend for us to carry. Freedom, joy, and fruitfulness come from seeking to determine God’s priorities for each season of life, and then setting out to fulfill those priorities, in the power of His Spirit, realizing that He has provided the necessary time and abilities to do everything that He has called us to do.”

  • - Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Lies Women Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free, p. 226

    “All of us have had seasons when we feel we just can’t keep going; we just can’t take any more. As with every other of deception, the key to defeating this lie is to counter it with the truth. Regardless of what our emotions or our circumstances may tell us, God’s Word says, ‘My grace is sufficient for you’ (2 Corinthians 12:9).”

  • - Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Lies Women Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free, p. 128

    “The Scripture is clear that a married woman’s life and ministry are to be centered in her home. This is not to suggest that it is necessarily wrong for a wife and mother to have a job outside her home—unless that job in any way competes and diminishes her effectiveness in fulfilling her primary calling at home. Further, it is important for women to evaluate their reasons for working outside their home and to identify any deception behind those reasons.”

  • - Susan Yates, And Then I Had Kids, p. 6

    “All too often we’re so swamped with the day‐to‐day necessities of mothering that we never actually have a chance to talk about our challenges and frustrations with others … The fact is, though, a general feeling of depression is much better handled when we can put a name to our problems and examine their causes. Then we can look for creative solutions.”

  • - Tim and Darcy Kimmel, Grace‐Based Parenting, p. 83

    “There is a cause and effect between encouragement and confidence. Kids who hear well‐timed and well‐placed affirmation from their parents are more easily convinced of the truth the Bible says about their intrinsic worth.”

  • - Susan Yates, And Then I Had Kids, p. 26‐27

    “Love is, after all, a conviction and a commitment which, when we put it into practice, will often but not always be accompanied by loving feelings. We serve out of our commitment, and in serving and in giving to our children, we will receive joy.”

  • - Susan Yates, And Then I Had Kids, p. 58‐59

    “As we spend time in prayer for our mates, ourselves, and our children, we can know that it’s not futile wishing, but a turning over of our needs and desires to the God for whom nothing is impossible … As we take time to put Him first in our lives by taking all our cares to Him and by seeking to please Him, we will experience a peace that is deeper than any peace the world gives.”

  • - Susan Yates, And Then I Had Teenagers, p. 60

    “If we want to understand our kids, we must spend time in their world. Chaperone a field trip. Attend an away game. Walk the halls of their school. Volunteer at their school and get to know the teachers. Read the student newspaper … You’ll soon discover the issues that your child is faced with.”

  • - Susan Yates, And Then I Had Teenagers, p. 66

    “We do our kids a great disservice if we allow them to let their feelings control their actions. We can validate the feelings. They are important. But then we need to train our child to do what is right.”

  • - Susan Yates, And Then I Had Teenagers, p. 46

    “Our kids aren’t looking for perfect parents. They know more than anyone that there aren’t any. What they need isn’t perfect parents but honest ones who are trying to live a consistent life of growing in character themselves.”

  • - FamilyLife Weekend to Remember Manual, p. 146

    “A couple should prayerfully consider and then agree upon their motives and priorities before Mom becomes involved in too many activities outside the home.”

  • - Susan Yates, And Then I Had Kids, p. 191‐192

    “Numerous opportunities arise, and a wise person takes some time to consider where to become involved. There is a false sense that busyness leads to fulfillment. Instead, it leads to frustration.”

  • - Robert Lewis, The New Eve, p. 103

    “Nothing is more indispensable to a young child than large amounts of time and attention from a loving mother and father. Nothing.”

  • - Dennis and Barbara Rainey, Growing a Spiritually Strong Family, p. 62

    “Do you see yourself as a trainer of disciples? If not, here’s why you should: You have been called to ‘make disciples of all nations’ (Matthew 28:19). And in making disciples, your family is your number one responsibility.”

  • - Tim and Darcy Kimmel, Grace‐Based Parenting, p. 26

    “As your children see you meeting your need for love, purpose, and hope through your abiding relationship with Christ, your example will put power and authenticity behind your words.”

  • - Martha Peace, The Excellent Wife, p. 77

    “The wife and mother who views life as a ‘cross to bear’ influences the others in the home to think the same way. She easily robs everyone else of joy and like the yeast in the bread she bakes, her ungodly attitudes spread to everyone else. If your family were called upon to describe you, what would they say? Would they report that you are a godly, Christian woman who loves life and loves her Lord?”

  • - Tim Kimmel, Grace‐Based Parenting, p. 77

    “Children embrace what is modeled far more than what they are told. Our good advice carries clout only when it is consistent with our example.”

Next Steps
    • Encourage them with Scriptures of hope and help
    • Let them know they are not alone, parenting can be frustrating and confusing for many mothers
    • Assure them that you care about them and plan to be with them to find solutions together
    • Encourage them to take time to recharge and to reject the idea that the weight of everything falls on them
    • Encourage moms to connect with other moms at MomLife Today
    • Encourage them to pray with their children at all ages
    • Encourage them to admit to themselves that they can’t do it all and to regularly and respectfully ask for help
    • Remind them that the relationship they have with their kids is more important than any list of rules
    • Encourage them (along with their husband) to develop a mission statement to guide parenting decisions
    • Remind them that it is important to model Christian principles in addition to teaching them
    • Encourage them to look to God’s Word for principles to address problem’s their children face or decisions to be made
    • Encourage them to get involved in a local, bible‐believing church for spiritual growth and accountability as parents